Being Pregnant and Navigating Unsolicited Comments

Can we work on our audacity levels please?

Being pregnant and experiencing firsthand what comes out of people’s mouths has me in deep reflection. The audacity levels of some, not all are at an all time high. Unsolicited comments I do believe are something many of us have had to navigate in this lifetime whether pregnant or not. What I am finding is that these comments are simply projections of negative thought patterns that have absolutely nothing to do with me.

Here are my top 10 favorite bold af comments that I have received after sharing my pregnancy:

1. Are you keeping it?

2. Are you happy [about being pregnant]?

3. You’re belly is bigger than a friend who is due around the same time

4. You’re going to get bigger and bigger and when you don’t think you’ll get any bigger you will

5. I hope it’s not born on this [redacted] date because you had a Great Aunt born on that date and she wasn’t right in the head

6. Just hope the baby’s position stays high because when it drops it will be right on your bladder and that won’t be fun

7. Oh you’re pregnant? I thought you were just getting fat

8. Don’t eat too many mangoes this season. I ate too many and my baby was born with jaundice

9. Just make sure you can get the baby a passport because imagine trying to travel to the States and the baby can’t come with you 

10. Are you sure that’s how you want to birth?

Whew! Often these comments are spoken within the first 60-seconds of the conversation. Although I’m always deeply disappointed, I (now) actively practice not taking it personally and that makes me proud of who I am becoming. It actually helps me to drop even further into my truth.

I remind myself:  I feel and look amazing. This baby chose us. I know exactly how and why I am going to birth the way I am going to birth and where I am going to birth. I fully trust my body and this journey. I know that my body is going to expand because there is an entire human developing inside of me who is probably growing a lung as we speak. Growth means the baby is healthy, you idiot! If only I actually said that part out loud. And you know what the sad part is? I’m sure women have received far worse comments while pregnant. 

But also, the words that spill out of people’s mouths leave me to wonder: Have I said something to someone that came off as offensive? The answer is terrifyingly, yes! Because I am human. And because sometimes instead of pausing, I too have projected thoughtlessness onto others. I just try to do it as sparingly as possible. I also do my best to catch myself and apologize when what I said didn’t feel good in my own body. Accountability is a practice and trauma dumping is just not the vibe I am going for!

On a positive note, the experience of sharing my pregnancy has also brought immense joy to so many from Instagram to my inner circle, specifically my family and close friends. I swear my community is more excited about this baby than even I am. I have received far more love and support than stupid comments and the high vibrations are what I choose to focus on. The mind can wallow in negatively while ignoring the beauty of it all. Life is too short and ain’t nobody got time for that!

So I ask us all to practice mindfulness as we listen to others. May we remember that it is an honor to have a person share something personal with us; it means that they trust us. The next time you are gifted this privilege, listen deeply without rushing to add your own two cents and ask yourself before commenting:

• Will this help and encourage? 

• Will this uplift or discourage?

• Are my words kind?

• What is something positive that I can say?

• Perhaps I can ask how I can support this person in this moment?

• Perhaps I can simply thank this person for sharing

• Perhaps I can simply ask this person, “how are you feeling?”

• If I must say something, share something beautiful  

And when in doubt, just like my father would remind me,  if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all!

In the comments feel free to share your own experience navigating unsolicited comments and or, positive feedback we can use to uplift others, not tear them down.

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Beautiful community, thank you for being here. The hurricane rocked me. Although we came out of it unscathed the adrenaline took a minute to dissipate. Life is so precious. This pregnancy has been healthy and I give thanks but it also has my mind all over the place as we prepare for birth. I still need to send out my baby registry. Pray for me! Often I am heavily tired and constantly hungry! Naps on naps and snacks on snacks! I am now in my third trimester and I want to push myself to share more before this little baby makes their way earthside. More to come. Your support means so much, especially as I move slower than I’d like to.

Love,

Sara